Soul Fire
by TrippleThreatTrio
Summary: A mother of two, a sister of one, doesn't want to be alone anymore. On the other side of town, a woman becomes a widow before she's a bride. If all of that were not enough, life throws a curve-ball to a drifter, who never once thought she'd find her place in the world.
1. Chapter 1

**Soul Fire**

White teeth, perfectly nipping on her lower lip. That locked jaw of hers kept away all of the utterances she would ever dare voice.

I could taste her with every buck of her hips as she met my frantic kiss to her womanhood, and in this, I felt as if nothing could ever be sweeter. Nothing more perfect. She might have been running her fingers through my hair, but, I could think of nothing more than the feel of her skin.

The way such soft, supple flesh, rested against my every kiss.

In that, oh so sweet, ironically salty way. Her essence, the culmination of spent passions itself, it was not enough for me. It left me with only her heady, unspoken desire. I wanted more. I wanted words, promises that would only be mine.

The gatherings of it all drifted into my mind, long after she was gone, and my bed was cold. That loneliness told me all I needed to know.

I was tired of getting burned by everything, and everyone.

I wanted more than a one night stand. More than an ex-husband who wouldn't even look at me, let alone touch me. I dreamed to feel the heat of warmth, not the searing pain of loss. Rejection once more would break me. I could accept that, I thought to myself, at that very moment, kissing her…

I decided, I wouldn't mind trying to love once again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Soul Fire: Cont.**

I don't believe in folktales, but, I do believe life can toss you into the pit of hell. That's how it started for both of us, I suppose.

We met up in a local bar by chance, crossed paths more than once. It was once a family restaurant, bought out when the previous owners went bankrupt. I don't know how many dinners I spent here as a child. Turns out, she also frequented the place before it was torn down and replaced. That shared fondness was perhaps the catalyst. It was at least part of it. As more time passed, our meetings grew more frequent.

We remained anonymous, I didn't even know her name. She didn't know mine either.

We talked about personal things, although even those subjects remained ambiguous. That way, neither one of us would get attached. It was made clear to me very early on, she didn't want a commitment. I even asked her about it once. Why a beautiful woman, such as herself, wasn't spoken for. I saw pretty emerald eyes darken when the question left me.

The remains upon the mantle were all that remained. That's what she told me.

Admittedly, we were drunk. I was on my fourth grasshopper, a drink she claimed tasted like toothpaste. She doused her sorrows in wine, a deep red chardonnay. It was the color of her lover's eyes. She said that too, all the while, bitterly detailing the cancer that took away its victim slowly. A battle lost only after several years of failed cures, witchdoctors, and unanswered prayers.

I knew even as she drank the wine that she hated the dry taste. I asked her about that too.

"Why do you drink wine if you don't like the taste?"

"Food for thought," her fingers drifted into her leather pocket. It wasn't a moment later that a crinkled photograph hit the table. "You know," the dark haired woman began slowly before sipping her drink. "People always say that depression colors the world gray. I think that depressed people don't even look at the world."

"What do they look at, then, if not the world?" I asked, because I wasn't sure.

"I don't know," she said, the finality a painful one. "Themselves? Or maybe it's that whatever they see, well, isn't the same anymore."

"Like the past?" I concluded for her, but I could see I'd been wrong.

"What they once had, you mean."

All I could do was agree, it wasn't as if I understood her pain. I felt like questioning it any further would be like throwing salt in the wound. "How long has it been?"

"Two years ago next week," it took no small effort to say it. She made that perfectly clear in the way her eyes bounced to the empty wine glass, and the bottle she'd purchased that was half empty. "Shizuru died on the eighth, one week before my birthday."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," she muttered darkly to me. Grasping the bottle another drink filled her glass, and once again, she looked into the depth of the liquid. "Nothing else we could do, we tried everything."

I put my hand over hers. It was then, though, that some part of me knew that I wanted her. Not just some exclusionary woman that warmed my bed at night, but as a woman that would become part of my greater whole.

I wanted to put her back together, so that maybe, just maybe, she could return the favor for me. "Tell me your name, stranger," I murmured, half hoping she's turn me down.

"Natsuki," the risk taker said. "Yours?"

"Mai," I said, a tiny hope creeping into my voice in spite of myself. "Mai Tokiha."

"Well then, Mai, now you know the truth."

That I did, but, I wanted to know more. More of her, the life she had, the love she lost. I wanted to know everything, not just the call of her body...although, I wanted that all to myself too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Soul Fire: Cont.**

Natsuki, as she called herself, was a breath of fresh air to my chaotic life. In those few hours at the bar every now and then, I could really let myself relax. After that, she would follow me home, where we would spend a few hours between the sheets. Then, she would go home. The day after my life wound continue on until our next meeting.

I still looked forward to our time together, and I thrived on her words. Wise as she was blunt, it was a far cry from anyone else I'd known. Many people tended to tiptoe around issues, or outright lie altogether. Natsuki's candidness was one of her finer traits. It wasn't as if I needed a commitment right away, but, I wanted more than just casual sex.

On one such date night, our routine didn't go as originally planned, but it was perhaps the best step in the right direction.

I'd just gotten off work. Walking over to our usual table, I saw her nursing her drink of choice. Reaching out to the collar of her shirt, I let my lips captured hers. She remained unmoving at first. I was crossing a line with the public display, and I knew it. I just couldn't help myself. I had a name to place to her beautiful face, and an emotion to place in those piercing green eyes of hers.

Sorrow. Irreplaceable, irreparable, sorrow.

My fingers trailed down over the black tie around her neck. It contrasted sharply with the white shirt. When I pull away only slightly, I noticed she opted for pants today, something that was neither here nor there. Natsuki was as masculine as she was feminine. She walked that line expertly as her long midnight hare fell from her like dark silk. She never had been an accessory girl to my knowledge, but she did have a fondness for that gold pocket watch of hers.

The antique wasn't too old, and yet, it had seemed to surpass its time. It peaked out from the chest pocket of her black vest pocket, and I noticed that even her perfect white shirt had that selfsame gold on the cufflinks. The image on the slender round circles was that of a wolf's head, outlined with only the thinnest strip of black around the edges.

I knew -I expected- that she had not dressed up in this way for my sake. "Formal-wear, you had a meeting today, didn't you?" I asked her.

"Worse, an employee evaluation. I passed with flying colors."

"I don't think I ever asked you before, but what is it that you do?"

I could feel her eyes burning across my skin, both in calculation, and subtle hunger. She was deciding how to best to respond, our careers were something that we had deemed banter only for people dating, and, we weren't dating.

Not yet, not officially.

"I'm the chief technical officer for Fujino Industries," Natsuki said after a few more moments. "Fujino Industries, by and large, is a muddy industry though."

"Muddy industry?" I quite frankly had never heard the term before.

"Corporate jargon," Natsuki shrugged, looking a bit embarrassed for having uttered such a phrase. "That is to say, that it has its hand in several major companies...not all of them in exactly the same field." I could tell she struggled with how much to say. Talking about herself was difficult, or so it always seemed. "My job is basically to keep the tech department from imploding. It's a lot of numbers, management, and ass kissing."

Something else lingered at the edge of her tongue, but, whatever that was, she couldn't seem to say it. If she worked at Fujino Industries, then chances were, it had to do with Shizuru. She wasn't over her past lover, but I could live with that. I wanted to be the balm for those wounds, if Natsuki would let me.

"Sounds complicated," I allowed myself to say before sitting down across from her.

"It's incredibly convoluted," Natsuki said with a shrug, lifting the wine glass to her lips. "CTO's aren't exactly as highly praised as one might think. Even though we do much the same things that a CEO or COO might do. Only true difference is, our field is directed primarily in technology. Any talking we might do with share holders has to do with research and development."

I put my hand over hers, my thumb tracing over her knuckles. The fact that she didn't pull away from me, told me that she was ready to move on. Even if that pace was a slow crawl, I could deal with that. Her lower lip trembled. I could still taste that same red chardonnay she frequented from the kiss before.

She was nervous. I wanted to settle her. If I could do that much, then at least the kiss itself could be guilt free. I didn't want to force her into more. I didn't want to part from her, either. I lifted her hand to my lips, and she let me. A tiny hope began to form, that maybe, just maybe, she was starting to trust me.

I wanted to invite her home, but more than that, I wanted to invite her to lunch. I wanted her to meet my children, to see more of my life, so that I could share it with her. My cell phone made expressing my desire impossible. I had no choice, my eyes fluttering open slowly, trying to gauge her reaction. Maybe, I'd gone too far, but her soft scowl made me pray otherwise.

I hoped that I'd left a lingering impression. "Honestly, I wonder what it could be this time," pulling my phone out from my purse, I knew I was more agitated than I should be.

"One of those kids of yours acting up?" She asked me with an averted gaze, trying to gather her wits about her.

"Leiko should be in bed, and Hatsu," I let an angry breath slip past my lips. "Well, Hatsu wouldn't text me. She's in a rebellious phase. Everything I say is wrong, and everything I do is purely to torture her."

"Let me guess, she's a daddy's girl?" came Natsuki's sardonic tone.

"If that were the case, I would at least understand," I shook my head. "It's the age."

"Man, that sounds pretty rough," she says, clearly uncomfortable. I attribute Natsuki's fidgeting to inexperience. She mentioned in the past that she hasn't spent very much time around children. "I don't envy you."

"It really isn't so bad," I say as I send a text to the man who fathered my children. "Boys at her age are easier to deal with, but she'll grow out of it."

"She's not blaming the divorce, is she?"

Out of the corner I see one slender eyebrow raised. She's thankful to have the attention well away from her own misgivings. "Maybe," I can admit that's probably also part of the issue. There was nothing I could do to save my failing marriage. "Hatsu seems to hate me and her father equally right now. Although, she's not the reason for the text."

"Then, what's the problem?"

I lift the phone up so Natsuki can see the picture I received. Paint had been smeared all over the kitchen wall. "Leiko strikes again," I don't bother to mention that Yuuichi has never been able to handle Leiko very well. "She's driving her father up the wall. He thinks she would rather be with me."

"Oh, wow, that's a mess if I ever saw one. Maybe you should go, I don't want to keep you, family is important."

I was happy that she understood, even though I wasn't all too keen on leaving. I bid her farewell before a slip of cardboard pressed into my palm. I cupped it, noticing the nervousness lingering because of that single action. It was probably her number, but, I would check later. "I'll call," I said, gathering my things. "Don't get lonely on me now, Natsuki."

* * *

My destination was not my own flat, but the one belonging to my ex-husband. Yuuichi Tate, was not a man I would not consider by definition father of the year. He was a wild eyed boy I met in high school. I married him soon after graduation. Our problems were a many, too many.

While it was true I took complete custody of our children, it was a choice made by circumstance. It had nothing to do with his willingness to be a father. No matter his failure as a husband, he has never failed either of our daughters. Opening the door, I see a fairly usual sight. I shouldn't have expected any less.

Havoc at its finest.

 _"_ _ **MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"**_

Yuuichi and I both wince at the loud screech. Our little girl runs away from him once again, darting between his legs and under the coffee table. He catches sight of me, just like our daughter had.

"Look, there's mommy, now stop screaming," he said, looking as frazzled as any man might after chasing around one very nude, very petulant two year old. "Mai, do something with her, please."

"Leiko, stop yelling and come see mommy," we were both thankful that she ran up to me instantly. "That's mommy's little girl."

"Look, pretty!"

"I see you," I said, also looking at the kitchen wall. "Paint goes on paper, remember?"

"Noooo," her devilish grin tells me otherwise.

"Typical," Yuuichi grumbles, the stress in his voice evident. "Just typical…she's been crying for you off and on all afternoon."

I could feel myself rolling my eyes at both of them, but I settle for reprimanding the little ball of fire in my arms. "Leiko, paint goes on paper, not the wall." I say firmly as one of her messy little hands pats me on the cheek gently. "It doesn't go on mommy either," I know my lecture falls on deaf ears.

"It's a wan-bow!"

"Rainbow," I corrected, all the while her father sent me a mystified stare. "No matter what it is, Leiko, don't put it on the wall."

Her face, hands, and arms are covered finger paint. Looking over to Yuuichi, I can only shake my head. I beeline for the nearest washcloth and soap. Putting the babbling of our youngest girl aside, my mind switched gears. "Hatsu is giving you the silent treatment, huh?"

"Your daughter, through and through," he said, returning to the dishes. "That girl's been on a warpath since I picked her up from school yesterday." He seemed so tired, but I could understand the sentiment. "And then there's this little hell raiser to contend with. I don't think I even need to explain that fiasco."

I glanced at Leiko. She certainly could be troublesome, and I try not to smirk. "A damp sponge will get the wall clean. That's the beauty of high-gloss vs semi-gloss. As for this one, you should have plopped her into the sink instead of the dishes."

"I would have, if it wasn't for the fact that these are from this morning," he sighed, running a hand through his short strands of blond hair. "Just for the record, she wouldn't try to use the training toilet today either. This whole let her run around naked tactic isn't working."

"I thought we agreed to ease up on the potty-training. The doctor said not to force it," I reminded him, though I could see he wasn't happy about it. "She'll learn when she's ready, won't you Leiko?"

"I 'unno," she says in that same non-committal way she answers every question she doesn't want to think about. The D sound is still giving her trouble, but we get the idea.

"You don't know?" Yuuichi asked her, his sudsy hand tweaking her nose. "You better know. If you want to be a big girl, you need to use the potty."

"Nooooo."

"Yeah."

"Nooo."

"Yes," he nearly growls.

Her little defiance streak is in full force as her tiny little toes curl and her nose crinkles in an unhappy little way. Leaning over just a little bit to give her father a glare he claims comes from me, flatly states her opinion once more. "No."

"Yes, Leiko," now Yuuichi's getting aggravated, and he's losing the battle as his voice starts to raise. "You do."

Put my finger over Leiko's mouth, shaking my head when she looks at me. I can see that she's thinking about fighting me too, but thinks better of it. "Yuu, would you just ease up about it already? That's really not helping," I feel the sudden need to state the obvious. Yuuichi has always had that effect on me, especially when it comes to the girls. "If you stress out about it, she's going to stress out about it."

"I'm on a short fuse today," his sigh speaks volumes. "She didn't nap at all in the past two days, either."

"Is that so," my violet eyes find hers, and once again that troublesome little grin is back "That doesn't fly with me. Why didn't you lay down with daddy?"

Putting her now clean thumb into her mouth, she pointedly avoided looking at me. "I 'on't want to."

"You're sleepy though."

"Am not," she returns, but by this point we can all see through that little lie.

"Know how mommy can tell? You're sucking your thumb."

Reaching out for me, she puts her head on my shoulder. She isn't just tired, she's exhausted. There used to be a time, back in her infancy, when she would fall asleep on Yuuichi's chest in the late afternoon while he watched television, but that time had come and gone. "Not seepy," she says, even through a yawn.

"Whatever you say, trouble," rummaging through the duffel bag of her things, I pull out a pair of pajamas and a pull-up. "Yuuichi, if Hatsu is having a bad night I'm going to leave her with you tonight. She's not too happy with me anyway. I'll take Leiko back with me though."

"I work at ten in the morning, I'll drop Hatsu off on my way."

I nod my head, and after I get Leiko dressed I gather my things. "Say nighty-nighty to daddy, Leiko."

She has my eyes, though that mischievous spark of hers definitely comes from Yuuichi. As he picks her up to give her a hug, there's no denying it. They are father and daughter. The way he tussles her short strawberry-blond tresses confirms that. He bids us farewell with a grin on his face, though, I think he hides the pain well.

The things you do when you're a parent…


	4. Chapter 4

**Soul Fire: Cont.**

There were a lot of things I thought about that night, most of them centering on Natsuki. What I really wanted from her. What I thought we should wasn't an easy thing to figure out. There were so many strings attached. I couldn't protect everyone. As my daughter wormed her way into my arms to fall asleep, that fact was clear.

I reminded myself, once again, that Natsuki was not used to children. I wasn't even entirely sure that she liked them, and I refused to get my hopes up. Even more than that, I wondered what Natsuki would do in the face of Leiko's temper. There was no reasoning with a two year old. Especially not one who demanded particular things, and saw fit to see those desires through.

Sleep didn't come easily, in fact, it all out rejected me.

I was so tired the next morning, that when my eight year old came stumbling through the door we ate breakfast in silence. I wanted her to have space, and she wanted to send me an annoyed glance every few moments. The icy temperature in the kitchen aside, Leiko remained blissfully ignorant of the morning warfare. She was too occupied with trying to make her spoon cooperate. A skill she was still trying to master, failing terribly.

Milk and cereal sloshed all over.

I was all for trial and error. In my opinion stubborn resolve inspires independence. However even I know when to give up and try again later. "Leiko, do you want some eggs?"

She looked up to me, her little head cocked to the side. "Wellow?" Her empty spoon entered her mouth at the question.

"Yes, eggs are yellow." I said, as I offered my untouched plate to her. "Do you want some eggs?"

She seemed to consider it, but only briefly. "O's," she chirped at me, tipping her cereal onto her meal try. Then, in an effort to share, she plops some soggy oats onto my plate. "You habe." I return to my meal after pushing the cereal on my plate aside. "Ma, Habe," she squeals insistently.

I spoon some of my scrambled eggs onto another plate and pass it to her. "You have eggs then," I said tapping the plate while putting emphasis on the word she continually mispronounces. "Use your fork."

An amused snort slips past Hatsu's lips as her sister began to eat with her hands.

Leiko has always had a mind of her own, and defiance comes in spades. With a loud thump upon the plate, she gleefully grabs a fistful of egg and crams it into her mouth…or rather, mostly on her mouth. After sending one of my most displeased looks, she pinches a bit of egg more gently and eats it that way. "Fringers," she says, having decided she liked that way instead.

"Only if you eat," I sigh, shaking my head as she does strictly that. Some battles just aren't worth it. Instead, of trying to reason with her, I take the hollow victory as it comes. As an open palm comes down again, hovering just over them with a grin, I know she's looking for trouble. "Don't smash eggs. Eat them."

Her grin still hovers as she pinches another taste instead. "Smoosh wellow?"

"Leiko…" sometimes, you just can't win. "Don't you even dare," she's just testing her boundaries after all.

"Why do you let her do that?" Hatsu, my eight year old asks me as she takes her empty plate to the sink.

"All toddlers eat with their hands, Hatsu," I say, recalling a time that seemed only yesterday, when Hatsu did the same thing. "Little kids like finger foods. It's good for them anyway."

"I didn't realize scrambled eggs were finger food," Hatsu grumbled with disbelief.

"Anything's finger food, so long as she eats it and doesn't deliberately try to make a mess."

Hatsu came back to the table. She knew I wouldn't let her be free of the kitchen until all homework was complete. I busied myself with the morning paper, not in the mood to tend to the dishes so early in the morning. It was going to be lazy day around the house, or so I'd hoped as I absently flipped the pages. We always tend to be on the go, a concept that while I understand, I also hate.

In a single parent household, the requirement for busy children, with equally scheduled lives…as terrible as it sounds, it becomes almost mandatory.

One home becomes two. Everything else splits off that way. Two sets of friends, two bus routes, two completely different parenting styles…I can't imagine what it's like, being flung back and forth all the time. Yuuichi and I are on friendly terms, more or less, and I'd fear to imagine what might happen otherwise.

Lifting my phone from its place beside me, I check the time. It's much too early to call Natsuki.

"Who's watching us tonight?"

I lift my eyes to Hatsu. "Uncle Takumi, so you'll have to be good for him."

"Oh…"

Just like that, Hatsu looks back down to her math. I go back to the morning news. Her pencil moves for only a second, and she looks up again. I can feel the question that's radiating off of her. "The longer you take to finish, the longer you have to sit here," I said.

"I have to write a paper about the person I admire most. It's due at the end of next month."

It would be, wouldn't it? Just her sour luck, not that mine seems to be any better. I used to hate those essays too. I'm not mother of the year, either...I fold my paper back up and regard her gently. "Who do you think you're going to choose?"

"What is there to admire about any of us?"

Good question...too good of one, if I'm being honest. "There are a lot of things…"

"Like what? Dad's ability to cram an entire slider into his mouth?"

"Condiments and all," I smirk, but that wasn't exactly what I meant. "Uncle Takumi, for one example."

"I'd rather write about the slider. At least that's funny," she pushes her chair back and sighs. "Can I be excused?"

I share her lament, and I nod. Maybe some free time will help clear her head. "For an hour, then come back in here and finish your math."

She did as she was told, scurrying out of the room faster than I thought she might…

* * *

I'm not like Natsuki. My job isn't one of those high paying corporate positions. I work as clerk for the nearby hospital. It's a desk job that gets me by, but it wasn't my dream in life. I've always liked cooking, but, the culinary profession is a lot of work. Some would call it a lifestyle. I had to choose between motherhood, or my ideal career.

I chose the former.

I work weird hours even so, but never more than six at a time. My job keeps me away more at night, but I don't mind. At least I can keep a roof over my head. I also like the people I work with, and the less drama I have at work, the happier I can be at home.

"Are you sure you should be out tonight?" I no sooner exit the double doors that I see Natsuki waiting for me. "You just got off, and it's pretty late."

I smile as she says this, her hand lacing around mine. "Takumi has his eye on them. They'll be okay for a few hours."

"My place, then."

I wondered what her home was like. I didn't hesitate to follow her. To be honest, I think I would have gone anywhere. I just wanted to be with her. Natsuki's apartment was in a high-rise, several floors up. A single bedroom, single bath abode, the sprawling living area open in its design.

Spartan furnishings were kept plush yet minimal, but that suited her.

"I'd though you would have wanted to go home tonight, considering…"

I nodded as she went over to the wine cooler. "I thought I would too, but…well, let's just say that Hatsu is very much my daughter."

Pouring two glasses of pink colored liquid, Natsuki came to sit on the sofa. Her eyes met mine briefly. She handed me one of the glasses before loosening her tie, discarding it gently over the armrest. She was uncomfortable, I could tell, and I wondered if this particular evening was a bad time. "Zinfandel," Natsuki murmured as she brought it to her lips. "Fruity, more my style. Never did like things that tasted dry."

"Why don't you drink it more often then?"

Her eyes cut to me once more. A low flame there. "Why aren't you at home right now, with your kids?"

I got the implication. She drank dry wines to remember…I stayed away from home to do the same. "Memories," I said with a sigh.

"Memories, I get," Natsuki said softly. "It's everything else I don't understand."

I wondered what I could say, or even if I should elaborate.

With that wine glass perched to her pale pink lips, I felt that selfsame delicate emotion that always seemed to float off into the distance. I wanted to feel her touch me. I wanted know more of that uneasy emotion. Grief, if that's truly what it was. The desire to crumple it up and toss it to the side was a feeling I knew well. Deciding not to pry too deeply, I asked the simple question. It would make or break our routine.

I needed to know how deep the rabbit hole could go…how far I could let myself be wrapped up in her.

"Natsuki, do you like children?"

"I don't dislike them," she said slowly. I watched her put the glass down. The table itself was also glass, and I wished for that same clarity in Natsuki. "It's just that, well, I don't know what having a family is really like. I'm sure that I had one, once. That was a long time ago, I just don't remember it."

The statement surprised me. I fell into monotone disbelief. "Nothing at all?"

"Some things," she admitted. "Dad walked out when I was little. Mom died when I was ten. A friend of my father took me in, but, you could say that he neglected me. Yamada's not a warm man by any means. I didn't exactly want a father though, so it worked out."

Her words got me thinking, more than I ever wanted to.

When I was particularly young, my mother stayed home, and my father worked. My childhood, at least in my early years, remained my own. School was a mix of work and play, and my weekends were free from most obligations. So long as my room was clean, and my homework done, my mother didn't rightly mind what I did after that. Sure, there were the occasional chores or hiccups found in daily life, but overall, my Saturdays were mine to do with what I wished.

I couldn't say I felt the same where Hatsu, age eight, was concerned. Because her father and I both worked, she already had control taken away by that aspect alone. It wasn't as if I could simply leave her alone, not all by herself. Although I knew this, it gave me little comfort. Strangely enough, I also didn't see a fault for her struggles. I knew she wanted complete and total independence from me.

I was okay with it.

Maybe it was because at that age, my mother rested on her deathbed, and I became responsible for my little brother. It was true that my father still took care of us, for a short time. He didn't last long on drinking binges and double shifts. Eventually his liver gave in, and that was the end of him.

It was painful to feel a happy family ripped away…but, I thought it was even more tragic to not have a family to lose.

"I don't know what to do about Hatsu," I blurted it so quickly, it was almost shameful. "My mother died when I was her age. I can't ask myself 'what would mom do in this situation' because I don't have that answer. I don't even have a history to back that kind of thing up. Part of me thinks Hatsu should pull away. Like, it's natural to just only count on herself."

"So you've been backing off, thinking she'll come to you?"

I nodded. "I think, maybe, I smothered my little brother too much. I was always trying to force him to listen to me. His health was an issue, that was my excuse. Even so, I can't help but feel like I should have backed off. I didn't want to repeat that same mistake with my own child. She's strong, Natsuki."

Natsuki sighed. "Too strong to parent, too young to let loose on the streets. I know someone like that."

"What happened to her?"

"Nothing that I know of. My half-sister, she's that kind of kid. Haven't seen her in years, and I don't plan to. It's just that, when you get right down to it, people are alone. You can rely on others for a short time, but all good things end sooner or later. If you ask me, it's good for Hatsu to understand that."

"Even though she's so young?"

Natsuki just shrugged, her arm resting around my shoulder. I leaned into that embrace as her soft words flowed over me. "Things will work themselves out, you're still around to keep her out of any real trouble. Besides, you said it yourself. She's young, she isn't stupid."

I wanted to believe that, to believe in Natsuki.


	5. Chapter 5

**Soul Fire: Cont.**

I'd stayed the night.

It was only because I knew Takumi had things under control. Yuuichi would be by early to pick the girls up for mass anyway. I was not a religious person by nature, but Yuuichi believed there was nothing wrong with finding something to believe in. I had to support that. For what it was worth, the girls enjoyed that time with him. I enjoyed that they took an interest in something other than driving their father crazy.

I wouldn't be needed until much later that next evening, so, I took solace in Natsuki.

I felt like I was in some expensive hotel, not an apartment near the top floor. Everything about Natsuki's home catered to expensive tastes. From the immaculate kitchen to the bathroom with Jacuzzi tub. Even the plush rugs on the otherwise hardwood floor had to come at a price. At first, I was amazed by that, but then I realized the truth.

The luxuries were an empty thing. They were there because of routine. I don't know when it was I first noticed that. If it was in the large shower where our night began, or between the sheets where it ended...I couldn't begin to say.

Every kiss from Natsuki pushed away the emptiness from around us.

It was strange, falling asleep in her arms, and sleeping in her bed. The apartment was exclusionary of early romance, in fact, I found it to be quite impersonal. There were boxes though, hiding in Natsuki's closet. Some of them were labeled in a way that left no question of who they belonged to. There were no remnants aside from a stray photo here and there, reminders of the future that would no longer come to pass.

It hurt in some ways, confused me in others.

I wanted to know this woman that had left such an imprint. Her ghost seemed to linger, even now. "Tell me about her."

Natsuki kissed the back of my hand. The sun had not touched the sky, but I could see the light beginning to peek into the windows. Along with it, uncertainty twinkled with sleepiness. "There really isn't all that much to say."

"You shared this bed with her, right?" I knew, even before she nodded, what her answer would be. "Then, there must be quite a bit to say. You have a history with her, and I want to know about it."

Natsuki gave me a soft stare, as if trying to read me. I don't know if she found what she was looking for, but she did begin to speak. "Shizuru and I had a very particular kind of life. We, uh…never really made things official. Deep down, I think we both wanted to, but, talking wasn't our strong suit. We were both the kind of people who did better without gushing our hearts out all over the place…I'm still better off that way."

"You stayed with her for years, slept in the same bed with her," I said, almost shocked. "But, you never told her how you felt?"

"I didn't need to," Natsuki shrugged. "Shizuru knew."

"You still should of said something, Natsuki. Don't you regret not telling her?"

"It was different, I don't expect you to understand. We worked for the same boss, her father. We kept the same insane hours, came home every night in the same car…when she got sick, we quit our jobs too. There wasn't a choice we didn't make together. It was more than just love, it was our very lifestyle. You don't give something like that words."

"How do I fill that void?"

Natsuki smirked, and I could see that she did it purely for my sake. "I don't think you can, I don't think anyone can."

"Then why take me to your bed?"

It was a question that brought Natsuki to pause, one that almost hurt her. Narrowed eyes glinted at me, but it was the frown that captured me most. She sat up then, the covers falling around her, her bare body exposed to me. Her back turned, her hair bedridden. I thought for that moment that she would shut me out. Instead, her words were gentle if not cold. Quite unlike that distant warmth I was used to. "People heal on their own. I'm not looking for someone to put a bandage over my heart every time I get hurt."

"Then, what are you really looking for, Natsuki?"

"Someone who can accept that I do hurt," green eyes met mine. "Someone who will stand in their own place, and not Shizuru's shadow."

She reached out for me, her fingertips caressing my face, and leaning in she kissed me. Soft and sweet. When she pulled away, I followed, my lips finding hers once more. Our angle became awkward as I propped myself up on my elbows. I wanted her to know that I needed her, but I had no words for that. The only thing I could do was protest every time she pulled away, trying to pull her back in. I hoped that would be enough.

Finally, after we were both sitting up, meeting eye to eye, she shook her head. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"I'm not that kind of woman. I'm a talker, and I'm right here," I said to her, weaving my fingers into her long tendrils of dark hair. "I come along with a dysfunctional family, cluttered house, and a car the doesn't start half as often as it should. I'm the whole package, baggage included, don't forget that."

"I'm not forgetting that, but I come with baggage too," once again, I could see that nervous look in her eyes. She only it let show when she was about to drop a bomb. I waited as she took a breath, pulling her hair up to keep it out of her face. "It's more than just me I've got to be worried about. There's a teenager I look after too."

Her words startled me. "You told me that you didn't have any children."

"She's not mine," Natsuki muttered with a roll of her eyes. "Come on, I'm not that old."

"Then how exactly does it all work out?" I felt confused, a slightly afraid. This was something completely unexpected, and I gripped the sheets in anxiety.

"I told you, I work for Fujino Industries. They spared no expense when Shizuru became ill, she was supposed to be the rightful heir." Natsuki scratched her head, those deep eyes of hers focusing on the sheets. She was trying to think of a way to explain, and I gave her that time. Finally she sighed. "Look, it's not like I'm her legal guardian or anything. She's just some kid that a nurse took in. She had nowhere to go after her mom was pronounced dead."

"Sounds complicated," I said, because I honestly had no other words I could say to her.

"It's not," Natsuki murmured with a shrug. "It's just that…I know that nurse. I wanted to help her. Sort of returning the favor for helping Shizuru," then she smirked at me, this time slightly more amused that before. "I also know what it's like to want to rip the entire world a new asshole. I needed a distraction."

We left it at that, spending a few more hours in comfortable companionship. I had too many things to think about, and not enough time to do it. I could tell that she felt the same way. Overwhelmed, and overdone. I didn't want to be that final straw on a thinning rope. The new flavor of the month, or passing interest.

Distraction was not a word in my vocabulary.

I tossed myself into work that evening, so much so, that even the others seemed to notice.

A young, if not quiet woman was at my station. We sat waiting for every walk-in emergency to pass by. It was the usual night. Minor accidents, cardiovascular conundrums, and, of course, the occasional youth with paranoid parents. Some people waited around for stitches, and others merely waited for a loved one. The waiting room was a tense one, full to the brink as it always seemed to be on a Sunday night.

I had paperwork, that should have been enough.

"If you smash at those keys any harder, you'll likely break them," I heard the soft voice beside me say. Her own fingers were busy pattering away at her own workload, which wasn't getting any smaller as more people came in, waiting to be admitted.

"It's less to do with these keys, and more to do with the filing system."

"Naturally, I'd agree with you. Only that you've been acting strange," I could tell there was more to her concern than that, and I turned to her. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose before continuing. "Four cups of tea later, and it leads me to believe something else is troubling you."

I can't very well laugh it off, but it wasn't as if I wanted her to keep looking at me with that pity in her eyes. "I wouldn't say I'm troubled. I'm just, I don't know," that word that had become my fixation had suddenly become my answer. It was maddening. "I'm distracted I suppose."

"Takumi came in earlier bearing gifts. He didn't stay long, but there's probably some cookies left in the staff room."

That did it. I turned to her. "I'm not hungry. Takumi picked up his medicine too I assume. I was worried he might forget."

"When have you ever known him to forget his medication?"

"You're right," I said as I went back to my work. "He never has."

I couldn't focus well at work.

Try as I might, I couldn't get one lingering worry out of my head. Was I Natsuki's new distraction? The way to keep her head above water when nothing else worked? I didn't want to be that person, but at the same time, I could understand if that was the case. I didn't want to ask her. I knew the routine, I even did it once, falling into that same trap.

Filling voids anyway I knew how, and forcing my mind away from the real truth. No one was to blame, but it was real easy to point fingers. It was even easier to forget that there was life on the other side of grief.

When I arrived home after my shift, the usual sight awaited me. Takumi and the girls were fast asleep on the sofa. The television flickered some retro cartoon, but I clicked it off, throwing a blanket over them. I don't know how long I sat in the kitchen after that. It must have been several hours. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, Takumi taking a seat beside me.

"Hunching over like that isn't good for you," he says in his casual way. "You promised me you wouldn't do that anymore."

"And you promised me you wouldn't let Leiko stay up all night," I said back to him. He wasn't fazed, not even a little bit. "They didn't give you any trouble, did they?"

Takumi shook his head, tapping his fingers against the glass of water in his hand. "Not really. I'm the fun one, remember?"

"How could I forget?" I mutter plucking the kernel of popcorn out of his hair. "Well, at lease you can control their ciaos."

"Don't be so hard on Yuuichi," Takumi told me. "It's not his fault that he isn't father material."

"It's the fact that he doesn't have his act together. It really bothers me," I knew the protest wouldn't do any good. Trying had to be a force of habit alone. "You'd think he'd get better over time, but he just doesn't. It's always a mess, or a struggle."

"Why does he need to...get better, I mean?" Takumi asked, that penetrating gaze of his lingering on me. I hate when he does it, searching for some sort of answer I just don't have. "Mai, you've always been the stable one. Things don't go as planned, and you pick up the pieces. That's how it's always been. Even when I was just a little kid."

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe the pressure gets to be too much?"

"That's your fault," Takumi said with a shrug. "Not his. You don't know how to relinquish control."

"Maybe you're right about that," I conceded.

"He would never really let them get hurt, you know that, or you'd never leave them with him."

Once again, Takumi hit the nail on the head, and I couldn't deny it. Part of me didn't even want to. I let my mind wander back to Natsuki, and the things she hadn't said. It was true that she was no real talker, and that her words were far more important because of that fact. I took them to mean that I was important to her. That in some way, I held some sort of weight in her life...a context for meaning.

Natsuki was playing hardball, and I didn't know the rules. If I wanted her, I'd have to change that. I would need to match her game with one of my own.


	6. Chapter 6

**Soul fire Cont.**

I don't know what I was expecting when Natsuki told me to come over to her apartment abruptly one weekend afternoon. She'd been oddly distant for reasons I couldn't figure out. I let her have the space she needed, trusting that she'd tell me when she was ready. That we'd have a talk over a few drinks and everything would go back to normal...or they wouldn't.

Those were the two options, we'd work through this, or we wouldn't. That was all there was to it.

I couldn't shake the fear about it though, because some part of me already loved Natsuki. It was the kind of love that grew slowly, and it had a long way to go. It was there though, burning in the back of my mind. I wanted it to be more than it was, I wanted to feel that kind of happiness again. I missed the feeling of safety that being in love gave me, and I missed the security of just being held at night.

All of those fears of loss ran amok in my head as we spoke briefly on the phone. I knew by the tone of her voice, there was something important going on, but I didn't see it coming. I was blindsided, and it bothered me.

We went to the Fujino family grave, and I felt sick. As if this was a place I wasn't meant to be. Natsuki was strangely informal about the whole thing. She didn't even bring a bucket or incense. Empty handed, we just stood there. She was a few paces in front of me, clad in a pair of ripped jean shorts and a white shirt. Her shoulders seemed unusually square to me, resolute. The knot in my gut grew worse as time went on, and I'm sure she sensed my unease.

"This is it," she said with a voice that was carefully controlled. "Not really what you expected, huh?"

The family grave was simple, the markings worn. "No," I shook my head. It wasn't at all, but I didn't elaborate.

"Shizuru liked metaphors. She wasn't a talker, but she took amusement in stupid little things. She'd get pissed at me every time I ripped flowers out of the ground. They looked like weeds to me, completely pointless, but what did I know, right?" Natsuki laughed, but I swear it sounded like a sob. "When she died, I upheaved the entire flowerbox we kept on the window sill. I pored them all over the grave, dirt and all. I thought maybe she'd get pissed off and yell at me just one more time."

"Natsuki, I'm sorry," I felt like those words weren't enough, that they were just empty.

"I didn't ask you to be," she gulped, and her arm lifted to her face. After she dried her eyes, she turned to me. "I'm telling you this because I need you to know this side of me. I'm sure you think of me as some sort of responsible adult. Someone who has her shit together, but, I don't. I'm a mess, a screwed up mess, and I…"

When she sighed out a breath of shaky air, I knew she wasn't going to finish that sentence. "And you what, Natsuki? You think I'm not?"

"I know what it's like to be that kid, watching her home get split in half. I was that kid," Natsuki hissed and turned away again. "I sat around, waiting for my dad to come home, but he never did. Guys came and went for a little while, but none of them stayed."

I've started to realize that truly hard topics are things that she says with her back turned. As if she's ashamed of having someone really look her in the eye. It's the only way she can really open herself up, with her back turned, as if somehow that'll protect her. I wanted her to face me, but somehow I could tell without seeing. She was scowling, shaking, probably still even crying...

"It's bad enough when the parents fight," Natsuki went on to say as she pushed her long silky hair behind her shoulders. "I won't be the one that makes the situation worse."

"Who says it has to be worse?"

"Do you honestly think it'll get better, or easier?"

"I don't think it has to," I told her.

"Then you're wrong," Natsuki shot back.

"Maybe, but so what? You know, I can't be right all the time. I can't live in fear of being wrong either." It was the only answer I had for myself, the decision I made after talking with Takumi. "I'm not asking you to replace Yuu. The girls already have a father, and he isn't going to leave them behind like yours did to you. You can just be Natsuki to them, but, if you're going to keep sleeping with me, you had better damn well be something."

It was harsh of me to say it that way. I was upset, I could admit that. I was scared too. Afraid she'd walk away from me, that somehow, this was where it all ended.

"Geeze, real winner there," a voice pipped up from behind the grave. I lifted my eyes to see a young redheaded teenager staring back at me. This girl carried a guarded, uncaring expression. A wall, I was sure. Something thrown up to protect herself from everyone, and everything. "Damn Natsuki, you sure can pick em', can't you. First you get a girl that dies on you, then you find this chick."

"Shut up, you little pain in the ass." Natsuki seemed to ease out of whatever tension had coiled its way around her throat. Her words were lighter somehow. "How long were you behind that thing anyway?"

"Long enough to hear you spill your guts all over," the girl said with a scowl. She moved past Natsuki to get closer to me. "I hate people like you, who think you know what's best for everyone else. You don't really know anything, else you wouldn't be here."

"Alright chill," Natsuki told the girl, putting a hand on her shoulder. "This is between me and Mai, it doesn't concern you."

"The hell it doesn't!"

Two sets of green eyes were locked into a war that I didn't know about. I didn't realize anything like it could exist.

"Go on then, let another one get to you."

"Mai isn't getting to me, just listen."

"Why! So you can make an excuse for her? You're all the same, every one of you selfish bastards."

"It has nothing to do with that, Jesus, Nao fucking pay attention!"

Natsuki punched the girl, and silence followed. We stood there, the three of us, no one daring to meet the gaze of another. My mind was blank, my heart hurt, and my tongue was that of sandpaper against my mouth. Thankfully I didn't have to speak, Natsuki found her voice for all of us.

"I have a life to live. I need to let go of the past, or I'm never going to be able to do that," Natsuki muttered from between clenched teeth. "I was in your position too once...an orphan. Then I met Shizuru and learned to move on. I'm doing the same thing now, if I didn't, I'd betray everything Shizuru and I ever stood for. For your own sake, you need to learn to move on from your past too."

"I don't need to learn to do anything," Nao spat as she stormed off. "You're the one that's going to get hurt."

There wasn't any 'going to get' about it. They were already hurt. I was too, and maybe this was all wishful thinking. Maybe we would never really heal. We both watched Nao's retreat. Her back was as tense as Natsuki's own, muscles clenching underneath taunt skin. It was a powerless sort of anger, one that I myself had encountered a few times in my life. They were both angry people, it was just that Natsuki knew there wasn't any point to cling onto it.

It didn't stop the feeling though, and as I stood by her side, I felt like I was just as powerless to help her. I put my palms on her back, rested by forehead between her shoulders, and I wove my arms around her middle. Natsuki's breathing was shallow and even. Slowly her hands fell over my own. I thought she might cry, but all she did was stand there. No words, just silence until we left a short while later.

"She didn't mean anything by it," Natsuki said to me that evening at our usual bar. "Nao just doesn't know how to let go. I've been trying to help her with her grief, but, my own has been pretty heavy. They say misery loves company, but I was honestly hoping that I might be able to do something for her."

I didn't doubt that for a second. I could see it so clearly, those rough maternal edges that instinctually did have a place to go. Natsuki wasn't a mother by far, but even she had the instinct to nurture and protect someone weaker than herself.

"It's because you're afraid," I said to her as plainly as I could. "You want to move on, I'm sure she does too. Nao was right though, moving on means pain will follow. I can't lessen that blow for you. You can't lessen it for that girl, not even if you want to. Life just hurts, and sometimes you can't avoid that."

"I know."

"Come home with me."

"I can't do that."

"You know how I feel about this…"

"For some reason I can't figure out, I spend my time with pushy women," Natsuki sighed. "Look, I know I do dumb things. This is probably one of them. Either way, I promise I'm not leading you on. I do want to be with you, I just don't have a clue about a lot of this kind of stuff."

"Then put a little bit of faith in us. Natsuki, you need to learn to trust me. The fact is, you might get hurt again. We might all get hurt again, but that's a risk you need to be willing to take."

She lifted her emerald eyes to me. There was that glistening gaze I'd fallen in love with. She lifted that wine she hated to her lips. The glass like a mirror, reflected the both of us in the crimson colored wine held within. She took a sip, wetting her lips with it. The next time I kissed her, she would taste like that dry, red wine. I just hoped that kiss wouldn't be the last. She said nothing to me for a long while, it seemed like an eternity as she held my gaze with hers. After two more long sips of wine, she put down her glass.

The red liquid sloshed gently on the sides, breaking our stare down.

"Alright," she said to me softly. "Just Natsuki then. No weird titles or anything like that."

She would be coming home with me, I could hear it in her voice. That alone comforted my unease, I hadn't realized how much I needed to hear her say it until just then, but the weight off my chest was monumental. I just hoped that it hadn't transferred to her instead.


	7. Chapter 7

**Soul Fire Cont.**

I wanted to tell Natsuki that it was going to be easy, that kids were a piece of cake once you got used to them. I'd be lying though. Children are just as complicated as adults, in some ways, they're even more complicated. As a general rule, I considered them tiny little humans with a lot less experience in life, and it showed in every passing moment. Every rule I made, I'd made with the intent to guide them.

Every moment, even the tiny ones, were life lessons I hoped they'd carry into adulthood. I wanted my daughters to find strength in the hard times, and contentment in the easy times. I wanted them to teach me too. Children, they can do that in ways that might be small, but are very profound.

I considered this one such moment, a milestone that would be a learning experience for all of us. A trial that might end up an error. Maybe, Nao was right, but, we wouldn't know unless we tried.

Hatsu had a lot of growing left to do. She was the more judgmental of my two daughters. Leiko was more accepting, but equally more demanding of attention. She was the hell raiser in the family, to the extreme. She had all of my sassiness, all of her father's recklessness, and stubborn resolve to add to it.

Then there was my ex-husband to contend with. Yuu wasn't all that thrilled when I told him. It wasn't that I was seeing someone else that bothered him. It was that I wanted to bring someone new around the girls. He was worried as their father, not out of jealousy. We'd burned that bridge down a long time ago. I wish we hadn't, but, something just couldn't ever be repaired between us.

I remember the conversation we had about it at the time…

"I don't think this is a good idea," he said, perching his beer bottle to his lips. "It's still too soon for them."

"Them, or you?" I had barbed then, realizing the stupidity of the statement too late. "…I'm sorry."

"Its fine," he said, even though it really wasn't. I shouldn't have said it, but he let the matter drop, thankfully. "For all we know, she could just be toying with you," the blond haired man in front of me muttered. "How long have you even been seeing this woman for?"

"Natsuki isn't toying with me," I said with a small laugh. My elbow came to rest on the table, my palm cradling my chin. "She's more against this than you are. We've only dated for a few months, but, it's gotten pretty serious recently."

"They're going to ask questions," he said with a sigh. "Do you at least have answers for them?"

"The truth, whatever that happens to be," it was lacking, but that was my plan.

He brought a hand up to his forehead, something he did when he was stressed out. "You're sleeping with a woman, Mai."

My retort went flying out of my mouth before I even knew it. "Upset that it isn't a man?"

Brown eyes rolled upwards agitatedly. "Don't be like that," his voice carried a dry tone. "I could care less who, or what, you're doing in your spare time."

"I didn't figure it would bother you, Yuuichi," I said with a soft smile, trying to ease him. "You've always known that women were a passing interest."

"Hell, apparently you prefer this one," I thought I saw a little bit of humor in his eyes. Relief maybe? He worries, so maybe this is more of a comfort to him than he wanted to say. Whatever it was, it went away quickly. "What I mean is, Hatsu knows about the birds and the bees. What do you think she's going to do when she realizes that Natsuki's more than just a friend?"

Good question, what _was_ I going to do?

I remember the divorce, how hard it was. The reasons for it were complicated. Too complicated for Hatsu to really work around. The cogs were spinning in her head when it happened, but she just couldn't do the math. She couldn't understand why her father and I wouldn't sit in the same room together. Why he wouldn't look at me. Sometimes we yelled, other times we were so quiet it was haunting.

Her little eyes saw it, but I don't think any of it really clicked. Hatsu didn't have anyone to talk too either. Emotions ran high, and Takumi really wasn't a good substitute for Yuuichi or me. Leiko was just a baby back then, and I'll admit that Hatsu might have gotten a little lost in the shuffle. I'm not proud of it, Yuuichi isn't either, but you do the best you can with the situation, that's it.

That's all anyone can do...

After the divorce, it all sort of vanished, as if it hadn't even been there. We still argued as parents sometimes, but the emotions were finally ripped out of it. The reasons why we fought were different now. This disagreement, just like all the rest, could easily be justified. Yuuichi was my friend, a very close friend, and father to our children. He'd seen me at my worst, knew me at my best, but he wasn't my lover anymore. He and I walked away from that line, and we were okay with that.

But _what in the hell_ was I going to say to Hatsu?

"I can only answer her questions truthfully, whatever they may be," I finally sighed after a few long moments of rolling all of it around in my head. "If the truth is that I don't know, then that's what I'll say. I'm not going to try and shelter Hatsu. We both know that'll blow up in everyone's face if I do."

"Let me take her with me for the week," Yuuichi said as an idea came to mind.

"You want to take Hatsu all the way out into the sticks?" I asked, as I realized he was working abroad this week. Some new roads needed to be paved, and he'd be camping out with his crew. "You're kidding..."

"A lot of single dads take their kids on these kinds of things," I could see his point, but it left something to be desired.

"I don't think pulling Hatsu out of school for a week would solve either one of our problems," I told him, noticing the flash of guilt on his face. "She doesn't blame you, I'm the enemy, remember?"

"I have to get to work," I'd heard that excuse time and time again. It was the one thing we both seemed to blurt out when nothing more could really be said on the matter. He put his empty bottle in the sink, grabbed his wallet and keys from the table. "I don't think I have to tell you to be careful, but, just do it anyway."

He had to trust me.

It wasn't that he wanted to, but, he didn't have a better option. Neither of us did, but I was okay with that. I'd always felt that life didn't have to be perfect, it just had to work out somehow.

Natsuki, she'd been the harder one to convince.

The one I needed to coax along, even all the way up to the driveway and into the house. "It'll be alright," I assured her with a small kiss. I could taste the wine that lingered there. I'd come to the conclusion that the best way to introduce Natsuki to Leiko, was when the young child was ready to fall asleep. "This should be okay."

Natsuki had seen my home several times before, knew the path from the front door to my bed like the back of her hand by now. Sober or drunk, it didn't matter, this place was familiar to her. The little girl curled up on her uncle's lap, however, that was a different story.

My little girl was an utterly strange and mysterious object, and as soon as Natsuki caught sight of her, she froze. Natsuki immediately became like a statue.

"Hey Natsuki," Takumi yawned while cracking one eye open.

She waved at him, but didn't say anything, gifting only a nod. Family in general was an uncomfortable thing to Natsuki, and my brother was the same type of enigma to her. They were on friendly terms, but no more or less than that.

I padded across the floor, lifting Leiko into my arms, and sleepily she nuzzled into my shoulder. "Is Hatsu in bed?"

Takumi nodded, and then with a smirk added "so is Akira," before going upstairs.

Natsuki scowled that beautiful little scowl of hers. "Akira?"

"His girlfriend," I said adjusting my hold on Leiko. Walking into the kitchen I flipped off the small light over the sink. Leading the way up the stairs, I wondered what was rolling around in Natsuki's head. I could only begin to guess. It was hard not to ask, either. I felt like doing that would just make matters worse. Natsuki followed me close behind, and I pushed my worries from my mind. "Akira stays over sometimes, but, don't count on seeing her around much. She's a private person."

I put the pajama clad toddler in the middle of the bed and turned to Natsuki. "I think I told you this before, but we're still co-sleeping with her. If we don't, she wakes up in an inconsolable crying fit. It's pretty bad, and, the doctor thinks it probably stress related."

"Hm," Natsuki sat on the edge of the bed, watching Leiko sleep. She had a funny look in her eyes, distant and maybe even emotional.

I got dressed into my own pajamas, taking my time and whittling moments away. I wanted Natsuki to grow accustom to this routine, to the innocence of a tiny heart, and just how fragile it really was. She was a protective woman, and I wanted that instinct to kick in with Leiko. I wanted Natsuki to feel something other than bad memories and fear.

I wanted...

I didn't know,  
I couldn't put my finger on it.

My prayers were answered when she reached out, brushing away the messy bangs that covered Leiko's eyes. It was an action rooted in timid discord, but it was enough for me. Then she spoke, and her words were like music. "I didn't want to be away from my mom either. It was like I was afraid she'd be gone if I did. You don't think she'll freak out when she wakes up, do you?"

"No, Leiko will probably poke at you though, she does that a lot," dressed in my pajamas, I pulled my hairband off and set the long piece of plastic onto my nightstand, coming to sit on the other side of the bed. "You can relax, Natsuki. Leiko isn't going to care."

She wasn't going to run away from me, I could tell when she fumbled with the buttons on her suit-jacket and undid her tie. She chose to wear a black pencil skirt that day, and as she slipped out of it, I couldn't help but stare. She was beautiful, in that classic little way of hers. A white button-down shirt, panties, and those long smooth legs. As she rolled up the white sleeves to just a little above her elbow, she gave me a look.

"What?"

"You're just beautiful, that's all."

"You've lost your mind," she laughed a little, I could see she was trying to hide a smile.

Maybe I had, but at that moment, I didn't care. Natsuki was smiling, the house was peaceful, and there was nothing that was going to threaten that.

When she finally laid down, only our legs were touching since Leiko took up residence between us. To me, it was the most intimate thing in the world. No amount of sensuality, of sweet nothings, or passion, could even begin to measure up. When Hatsu was little, Yuuichi and I would find ourselves in roughly the same position, and I missed that.

Leiko never had the chance to share that kind of moment with us. By that time, one of us was on the sofa, and the other in the bed. Leiko had always needed to choose. When we got devoiced, we both agreed that the best thing we could do for both of the girls was let them decide everything.

If they wanted daddy, it was daddy they got, and if they wanted me, I was there. The one thing that always bothered me though, was that they had to choose at all.

Don't think Natsuki noticed it, but as she fell asleep her hand found mine, both of them resting upon Leiko's belly.

It was the first time, in a long time, that I actually felt complete.


	8. Chapter 8

**Soul Fire Cont.**

It was the first night in a long time that I don't think I actually dreamed. I didn't need to, but waking up that next morning was an adventure.

A low, discontented growl was the first thing I heard. It didn't take two guesses to figure out the reason why. Natsuki was _not_ an early riser, and unfortunately for her, my daughter was. Before the birds began making a fuss, and the cars passed by the house, Leiko was always awake and ready for her usual mayhem. She was a little ball of energy, always. I half expected that she'd pounce on me, as she usually did.

I even expected that she'd claim Natsuki as her newest victim, knocking the wind out of her with playful gusto. Cracking my eye open slowly, I was greeted with an unexpected sight that had me choking down a laugh.

Leiko was sitting on top of Natsuki, nose-to-nose with the very cranky woman. Natsuki didn't dare not move an inch, a strange sort of panic in her eyes. I wanted to see what kind of trouble the two of them would get into. Natsuki looked light a deer caught in deadlights, but her scowl was clearly agitated. Monkey see, monkey do, as they say; and Leiko was trying to copy her.

"Uh," I tried not to laugh as Natsuki found her voice. It wasn't her most eloquent response. Green eyes hardened as she examined my inquisitive little girl, "Can you get off now?"

"Shhhhh!" Leiko said, looking over to me while I was pretending to be asleep. Pointing to me, she loudly whispered a single word. "Ma." Her finger pressed to Natsuki's lips, followed by her little palm, as if to keep her quiet.

Not that anyone could actually sleep through all of that racket in the first place, but it was the thought that counts.

I continued to stay motionless, this was too funny. I tried not to laugh when Leiko patted Natsuki on the forehead and then curled up again to sleep on top of her. Some of Natsuki's long hair was held tightly in Leiko's fist as she curled up on Natsuki's belly, her little feet hanging halfway off the side of the bed.

"Not funny," Natsuki mouthed when the little girl wasn't looking.

"It's hysterical," I whispered before bursting into a fit of giggles.

I'd earned Leiko's attention and Natsuki's ire as she hid her face under her pillow and sighed. "I really hate you sometimes," she muffled at me, as Leiko came over to greet me.

Unfortunately for Natsuki, that only made me laugh more.

It was a very slow morning, as I tended for it to be. Takumi and Akira were both up early, dressed in track suits for a morning run when we came down stairs. Takumi wasn't the type to really indulge in fitness, not like Akira, but she kept him on his toes. He had one if his portable heart monitors attached to him, something he wore rarely now-a-days. With little more than a greeting, he went off on his day.

It was probably for the best, I reasoned. Natsuki was not the most pleasant creature on the planet before she ate breakfast. Even with a cup of coffee in front of her, the only thing she could do was squint at the newspaper. Trying to make sense of crossword puzzle in front of her, she tried to ignore Leiko's newfound amusement of playing with her hair.

"I hope you have conditioner," Natsuki grumbled sleepily, blowing some long tendrils away from her eyes, only to have it flung back into her face moment later.

"I do," I said, lifting Leiko off of the kitchen chair she was standing on. "You can stop now, Natsuki's hair is all pretty."

Natsuki's tone was clearly less than thrilled. "Not exactly the phrase I would use, Mai."

It really wasn't, and a snickered as I went back to dealing with Leiko's meal. I was content with an orange and a bowl of cereal. However, I suspected Natsuki would need something a little more fortifying for the day ahead. I fried Leiko an egg, cutting it up into small pieces, and dishing it out to her. "Eat nicely, Leiko and after breakfast I'll give you a piece of candy," that was all the encouragement my little one needed.

I caught traces of amusement in emerald eyes, mirth twinkling there. She thought I wasn't looking, but I was. "What?" I just had to ask.

"Not above bribery?" Natsuki asked from behind her coffee cup.

"Or spanking if the situation calls for it," I said as I went back to the frying pan, cracking two more eggs inside. "I'm not above many things."

Natsuki, clearly unsure of what to say to this, lowered her eyes back to her paper. She was counting away the seconds until Hatsu stumbled down the stairs. I knew that because her fingers slid down to smooth her skirt out. As if it wasn't already just fine the way it was, but I allowed Natsuki her modesty.

~Bizt-Bizt~

Her phone had been doing that for the past hour.

Being as busy as she was, I couldn't blame her. She turned it to silent, but it continued lighting up periodically anyway. Natsuki's eyes would flicker to the caller, but out of the several times it called her attention, she only answered it once. Apparently, Nao was ranting about something or another, at least that's what it sounded like as they bickered back and forth.

I plated Natsuki's meal, sat down with what little I had of my own, and folded my napkin in my lap. "It'll be okay," I said, having mastered the art of unwelcome surprises. It didn't matter if it was medicine, homework, or some other unwelcome topic. Hatsu was very much her father's daughter, too groggy to pick a fight. "We'll spend the morning being lazy, and we'll go to the park later. It'll be a nice and easy day."

Natsuki's phone buzzed again, and she continued to ignore it. "That," she began with a small frown, "says otherwise."


End file.
